Neurodivergent people (including autistic people, and those with ADHD, dyspraxia and so on) have a brain type that diverges significantly from what’s generally considered the norm (‘neurotypical’). The neurodiversity movement aims to value that diversity and embrace difference. In 2023, we asked members of Automattic’s neurodiversity ERG, ‘Neurodiverseomattic’, the question “What’s one thing you wish neurotypical people understood about your neurodivergence?” Here were their answers! Read more about diversity, equity and inclusion at Automattic here.
That I can’t just try harder and snap out of it.
If you ask me a question, by default I’ll most probably try to answer it honestly and to the fullest.
The fact that there are things I struggle with, that usually fall to a manager to help resolve, doesn’t mean I’m incompetent and need managerial hand-holding. It’s just that you don’t give PAs to rank-and-file employees, and I have executive functioning problems that really shouldn’t reflect on my technical ability to do the core parts of my job.
That my facial expression doesn’t usually match how I feel (which I often can’t explain).
It can take me time to process things – I may get back to people later with further thoughts.
If I say “What” four times in a row, it’s not because I’m not listening.
If I quickly forget what you just said to me, or didn’t hear all of it, it’s honestly not because I don’t care or I can’t be bothered – it’s just that sometimes, it’s really really hard to remember that I should be listening, or to keep myself listening for a whole conversation (or sometimes, for a whole sentence!). I really want to hear what you have to say, I just have to sometimes battle to do so. I feel like I’m getting a little better at at least noticing when this happens and apologising, and trying again.
That I’m not aloof.
If I stop smiling, it’s not that I’m annoyed. It’s just the mask slipping because I’m juggling too many balls.
That on one hand I may struggle, and have a meltdown over the simplest tasks, like filling some report, cleaning up the room, and having 1:1 chitchat. But it doesn’t mean I’m unproductive or unable. (Even though I tend to think so from time to time), but someone else picking that up, and treating me like so, makes the thing 100x worse.
Then on the other hand, when it comes to complex stuff: design a frontend platform that overcomes specific problems, solve consistency problems, make a public conference talk, then “hold my beer” (even though I don’t drink).
That if I can’t express excitement physically, it doesn’t mean I’m not happy/thankful about something.
That saying “here’s a really interesting project for you, but don’t think about it until next week” is a recipe for disaster!
I wish it was easier for people to understand that I only have so many spoons on a given day, the number of spoons can fluctuate wildly depending on the day, and some days there’s just not going to be much I can give without feeling drained too quickly.
When you say “I want you to be honest with me…” Do you mean like neurotypical honest? …Or real honest?
If I seem on top of things, relaxed, and engaged, it’s probably because I have a template for this situation and the mask is well worn. If the next minute I seem weird or too serious or say the wrong thing or go quiet, I’m no less engaged or interested or friendly, the mask is just slipping as I frantically try to work out what’s expected.
…”how are you?” After all these years, I still need to really fight myself to answer “fine, how’re you?” instead of giving a 2hr long story describing my state for now, including all the side stories to back it up, oversharing crazy personal stuff…
That I have trouble answering the question “how are you?” (I default to “fine” because I usually don’t know what’s exactly going on in my head).
That occasional struggles to find a word or name are not a sign of low intelligence or mental deterioration.
That I don’t sit still and am always doing something, not because I have an endless amount of energy, but because I don’t know how to stop…
That when I’m asking so many questions so insistently, it’s just because I need clarity.
That I don’t have a hidden agenda – whether to undermine anyone or insinuate anything – and when you think I have a hidden agenda, I’m almost always either trying to understand you or help you.
Are you inspired to share more? Please add them in the comments.
Data for Breakfast 